Finally get it'
by Wind
Summary: Learning to understand your husband-to-be is a good thing... right? A fic from Hilde's POV. Shounen-ai, straight and shoujo-ai. If you read, please also review.


Author: Wind  
Rating: PG-13  
Category: Romance  
Feedback: Yes, please. Tons of.  
Contact: codename_windy@yahoo.com  
Warnings: shounen-ai, straight, shoujo-ai  
Pairings: Very common ones  
Notes: My first posted GW fic. However, not my first written. Hope you enjoy it. And please, do give feedback. Also, English ain't my first language and I don't have a beta-reader for mi GW stories, so there are spelling and/or grammer mistakes. Please kindly over look them, 'k?  
  
"Finally get it..."  
  
  
I could have sworn there was shock written over his stoic face when you told him about our engagement. His cold blue eyes flickered as his intense gaze sifted from you to me and then back to you. Your hand squeezed mine lightly, like to assure that despise the way he might appear, he was a good guy. But I knew that, because otherwise he couldn't have been your best friend. After a short silence, he simply nodded. I heard you let out a small puff of air. Were you holding your breath? Worried of what he would think? That he wouldn't approve? I know you didn't quite approve his marriage with her. Maybe you thought he would pay back the cold treatment you gave for him after their engagement? Sometimes, the friendship you share with him makes me confused. There are times, when I just can't understand you. I hope I will learn how to...  
He half turns around, but then seems to re-think 'bout it. He looks at us again and speaks to you. Asks you to come with him. Says you two should talk a little. He doesn't need to state it would be a private conversation, it radiates from him. I see you nod and then turn to me. You flash that adorable lopsided smile of yours, saying:  
"We meet for a dinner, right darling?" I agree with you, smiling, and watch as you follow him out of the room. Hope you and him get worked out whatever it is that has been bothering both of you since his weddings. I wouldn't want any worries on you on our big day. Gods, I don't think it is right for a person to feel this excited and happy!  
  
Late. That's what you are. We were supposed to have that dinner. I get up from the chair I've been sitting in and head out of the door. Down the hallway my steps take me. Their house is quite luxurious, his and hers. I think it is only natural, considering her high political position. We won't be having anything this expensive for years, but I doubt you will be saddened by that, ne? You and I, we are not these high-class fancy people, their lifestyle doesn't suit us. When he married her, I remember you saying this life style won't suit him either. Wonder if you are right, I cannot tell, for his face is too hard to read. Hardly any emotions there. You have told me he has emotions, that it's simply so that only very few can see them. You can, I suppose she can too. You didn't comment on that when I said it. My feet have taken me behind door of his study. At least I think it's his study. I lift my hand to knock on the half open door, when I stop, hearing his voice.  
"Why marry her?"  
I blink. Doesn't he approve it? Does he have something against me? I know I can't offer you as many things as she could to him, but material goods are not what matters. Is he for some reason against us being happy together? I feel my anger flowing and I'm about to push the door open and go there to kick some sense into him (although seeing the odds, I'd prolly wouldn't be able to do much damage to him..), when you reply:  
"I can't see how you have anything to say. You're the one who married first... married her."  
The red hot anger in my veins seems to freeze. The tone of your voice, it seems so bitter. I don't understand, what's going on here...? I furrow my brows and lean my back against the wall. I know I shouldn't listen, but it involves me, doesn't it? I have the right to know. And I don't think I could leave even if I tried.  
"Me being married makes it hard enough already. You marrying her... How on earth is that anywhere near reasonable thing to do?"  
His voice, it's so emotionless. I'd say it annoys the hell out of me. And I know seeing him wouldn't help at all, either. Because there is nothing to see. Wonder how you put up with having these conversations with him, when you can't read him at all. Or maybe you can. Who am I to say... Maybe to you, his words make some sense as well. 'Cause to me, they seem to make none.  
"How was it reasonable for you to marry her?"  
You sound openly challenging now. Perhaps this is good. You guys fight it out and then be best friends again. I really should simply walk away. Maybe go and find her to have some coffee together. We could talk about my wedding dress and the name of her future baby, not that she is pregnant yet, but still and... Argh, who am I kidding? No way I am going to leave before finding out what this is 'bout. Who knows, maybe it will help me to understand you better.  
"You know I had to..."  
What's that? Do I hear a frown in his voice? I must be imagining. But he continues...  
"Her position. How important she is to this new peace. How important it is to keep her satisfied."  
Wasn't... that a piece of information. It was widely speculated what were the reasons behind their marriage, but most people simply assumed that the war hero and the princess of peace had simply found happiness from each other. And it was sucha picture perfect thing to happen. Gave new hope and joy to people of the god forsaken lands that were still bleeding from war. Obviously he had known it too, deciding it was worth more than his own personal opinions and desires. I can see how you wouldn't approve that. Though, does she know? Know her husband is only with her for he thinks it is his responsibility.  
"Aa, yes. It's your new mission, isn't it?"  
You laugh. Yet, there is no laughter in your voice. I could even say you seem to be hurting inside. Hurting for him? I try to figure out, as you keep on talking. You are good at talking, aren't you?  
"But it's a mission that will take rest of your life, right? You are her husband, keep her happy so that she keeps the world happy. You stay with her, sleep with her, live with her, you'll have kids with her... and you'll die, being still with her. I just can't see where it leaves me. 'Cause I have been alone all my life. And I don't want to spend the rest of it alone as well. She is nice, caring, funny... and she doesn't make me cry."  
My heart is beating really fast now. I think my blood is rushing way too fast inside me. My head feels dizzy. Somehow, just somehow, I know what you're gonne say next, I just know what you're gonna say next...  
"I can't wait for you when I know it will never happen. No matter how much... I love you, Heero Yuy."  
Your voice is barely a whisper. It is filled with pain, with longing, with so many emotions I can't even name. And most of all, the type of love that I have never heard there for me. I think you are holding back tears. I know I am not. They run down my cheeks, mostly from shock than actual pain, though. I feel numb. I could swear my heart stopped along with my brains. Your light steps on the carpeted floor, nearing the door. Soon you'll open it. I should be leaving, not letting you know I am here. My body just doesn't function properly. At all, if I am exact. Digesting what I just heard is so much. Too much to take at once. Gods, couldn't you had told me it little more gently? Although I think you would have, if you'd known I was listening. You're right behind that door now, I bet your hand reaches out to pull the door open...  
"Duo... ai shiteru."  
It's your turn to freeze. I can sense it. How your hand stops in the mid air, how your eyes grow wider, your heart stops beating or starts beating, as you hear his words, with that same, almost emotionless voice. His eyes though, I think they must be speaking volumes now. So you turn to look at him, the noise of your feet on the carpet tells me that. Your voice shivers audibly:  
"You've... you've never... never before..."  
Your gaze locks with his. You step closer to him and he too, steps closer to you. I doubt he reaches out to touch you. He wouldn't do that. But his voice when he next speaks, so much affection and love there, so much I never thought he could possibly feel. I think it must shine from his deep blue eyes at the moment as well.  
"Baka... You knew I did. And still do."  
I hate you! I hate him! Hate both of you. How could I've been so blind? Those little pieces of the puzzle that didn't fit anywhere, they were a puzzle of their own. They were the story of you two. So obvious and clearly visible. And you never told me. You must have known I didn't see. Neither of you told me. For few flying moments, I hate both of you so much for making me a fool to this little game. But that hatred dies so quickly. Maybe too quickly. Perhaps the knowledge that you are both unhappy and miserable makes it easier for me to be unhappy and miserable as well. Maybe you weren't laughing at my stupidity. Maybe I just happened to be in a wrong place at a wrong time... Steps in the room. He closes the distance between you two. Again, I do not need to see, nor hear, to know what happens then. You place your arms around him and pull him close. Your lips meet. His hands find your braid and take the possessive hold, one that I had seen but never understood before. You drink from him, he drinks from you. Both, you and him, need each other so badly. Too badly for anything else than having each other, claiming each other, can satisfy... I lower my eyes and quietly walk away. I think I have found my answers.  
On the hallway, I run, almost bumping into her. She gives me somewhat confused look. I wonder if I should tell her. Wonder if I should warn her. Wonder if I should distract her so she wouldn't interfere with you two. Wonder if I should ask her questions. But I do none of it, as she continue's down the hall way, towards the room I think is his study. And I turn and fled to the room I share with you. Go there, to collect all the new pieces and try to blend them into the false image that I had had.  
  
It could be couple of hours later now, I think. Yes, couple of hours, I am sure. The door makes the slightest noise as you push it open. I hesitate, before turning my eyes to you. Perhaps I just see you another way now, or maybe you have changed, but to me, you seem so different. I can't quite put my finger to it, but it doesn't matter to me as much as all the unsolved sides of you used to. Now all is very different. Your eyes meet mine and you swallow, before asking if now would be a good time to talk. I nod and indicate you to sit down to the chair opposite to mine. I want to see you and I want you to see me. You bounce to the chair, your crazy braid floating after you, but at the same time, pain seems to flicker on your face. It's hard to understand the pain, since you just had him, had the person you wanted... But then, when you look at me, your eyes just screaming how sorry you are and how awful you feel for doing this to me, I understand it. You don't want to hurt my feelings. As it sinks to me, a small smile appears on my lips. I wasn't the fool, not if you really do care for me. And you do. It is clearly evident in your eyes. My heart starts beating again, I think. Not lively like it used to, but back to life again.  
"Hilde, there's something..."  
But I don't want you to say it. I know saying it hurts you and I don't hate you. I wish to spare you from the extra pain. So, instead, I say:  
"There's something I need to tell as well."  
You look little surprised, but insist:  
"Please, let me first..."  
Did I mention how sweet you are? I can understand why I care for you so much, why I love you so much. The tone of your voice, your position, your face, your eyes... it all tells so clearly how much you hate hurting me. And it makes my heart beat just a little more. I think, if there wasn't for him, you might even love me. But he is there and he will always be there.  
"No. Ladies first, right?" I flash you a smile, and you smile too, giving me an approving nod. So, with a deep calming breath I say the thing I never though I would say: "Duo... our engagement... it's off. It just... doesn't work for me."  
Big violet eyes stare at me, filled with disbelief. I almost laugh. Wow, I must have been so obviously in love with you. I can see your curious mind wants to ask questions but you holds back. I think it's partly because you wouldn't want to answer my questions either. And it's good. Silence takes over the room for a while, but I doubt either one of us really wants the silence. You open your mouth to say something and then it seems to hit you.  
"Hey, weren't we supposed to have a dinner today?"  
"We were."  
Our eyes meet and in a flashing moment, you realize it. Your eyes widen again, you stare at me. Your hand moves behind your head and you blush ever so slightly. You mutter apologizes, your eyes trying to escape mine. To stare at the carpet or the walls or anything. I won't let you. Because that wouldn't be any good. I'm hurting, but there is no need for you to be hurting. I tell you that. Assure I am ok with it, or that at least I will be. You hug me tight, telling me I'm great and repeating that you are sorry. Just stop it, will you? I want you to be happy. And I promised myself I wouldn't ask any ackward questions, I promised... But one, just one I need to know.  
"How long...?"  
You chew your bottom lip for a moment, seeming to think about the answer. Maybe even think about what it was that I asked about.  
"It feels like always. Although, I think it was at some point of the war when we got it worked out. I know I felt for him from the first time I met him."  
That long, huh? You really love him. I don't think what I feel for you comes close to that. Still, what I feel is plenty strong enough at the moment. Damn. It seems that now that I've started the questions, the next one is almost fighting to come out. And I'm too tired to fight back. Suppose I want to know the answer.  
"Does she know?"  
"She does."  
There's that strange flicker in your eye, one that appears when she is mentioned. And now, for the first time, I can understand it. I think I learned to finally understand you. What it took was to learn to understand what you had with him. But now, right now, is the moment I hate her. She knew all along, she didn't tell me. She still married him, despise how it affected you and affected him. That selfish spoiled little brat! My blood boils and all the well hidden anger and hatred that you had felt for her becomes fully understandable. I can't believe her. And she's the person this world trusts its future. I feel slightly sick...  
"Hilde, if you're wondering, I do love you too, it's just..."  
"It's just not the same." I finish for you. I know, Duo, I know. And it makes the biggest difference, knowing that if things were different, if he wasn't around, then there might not be "It's just"s. But right now, it's ok. I hope you will find happiness with him, I really do.  
  
  
A pair of scissor clipped of headline of a newspaper. Dark short haired woman picked it up, walking to fridge and looking at the articles collected there.  
"Well-known and widely loved singer Duo Maxwell announces his retirement from music business and media."  
"Embassoder Heero Yuy in an accident on a business trip. Airplane gone missing!"  
"Maxwell truly did it! There are no signs of his current whereabouts. Rabid fans still looking."  
"Relena Peacecraft-Yuy: Please find my husband! Still no knowledge of Mr. Yuy. Some suspect kidnapping."  
"'He just is impossible to find' sighs one of the last fans trying to spot Duo"  
And the one she was currently holding:  
"Mr. Heero Yuy officially declared dead."  
Without a hurry, the woman collected the headlines and articles to her hands. Steady steps took her to her fireplace, where she placed those pieces of the paper. Soon, fire turned them into ashes. Another woman entered the room, walking to the shorter one standing before the fireplace. She wrapped her arms around her partner and kissed her ear. The dark haired woman relaxed into her arms.  
"Cathy..." she breathed, closing her arms and smiling lightly.  
"They send a letter. Maybe we should burn it now as well..."  
There was short silence between them, before the brown haired woman grinned slightly:  
"You think she knows this time?"  
  
The End  
  
What did you think? Hated it, Loved it... as long as you tell me, I am satisfied. So, show me GW fanfic readers are not lazy reviewers...?  
And just to be sure. The POV was Hilde's. You referred to Duo. He referred to Heero. She referred to Relena. And the other woman in the end was Cathrine. (Yes, I like pairing Hilde and Cathrine... so?) 


End file.
